This Is My Life

Has something weird and unexplainable ever come out of your butt?
Like a shrimp still in its little sheath, but blackened, even though you're pretty fuckin sure you desheathed AND depooped all the shrimp you've ever eaten in your life AND that in your extreme shrimp connoisseurdom you are pretty fuckin positive a TAR BLACK shrimp never snuck past your sight into your mouth, remained unchewed and swam through your entire digestive system to the bitter end?
No?
You're hired.