This Is My Life

God, I will never be an adult. I try and try. I own a Saab from 1989. I listen to Steely Dan and Supertramp. I'm listening to Donald Fagen right now! I have a note in my phone that says "try to be as Fagen as possible!!" I work 40 hours a week. None of this is working! Too bad my job consists of hanging out with schizophrenics, my car barely works and has a dashboard full of dessicated animals, and I dress like a 15 year old goth. I'm just not cut out to be an adult...where I really shine is watching intervention in my boyfriend's bed drinking champagne. (I am certainly not adult enough to own a refrigerator or even a cup to drink champagne out of at my own hovel) I just want to get drugs and go to renaissance festival and pee my pants cuz I accidentally wore a leotard that i couldnt remove fast enough. I want to talk about dicks and prank people and sing Crowded House songs to my taxidermy fox. I do not want to craft, match, talk, watch sports, or relay or understand feeeeelings. I guess other girls have feelings. Maybe that's why they're called feemales. Not me. cept between the 18th and the 24th of the month where I cry about friendship and shit. Also, I'm okay with my outfit being held together by 8 safety pins and not having a pair of shoes that fit. I'm okay with only drawing meth faces and people with congenital birth defects, laughing at them in my room alone. So why, when I'm out in the "real world" do I have to be so embarrassed about these things? When I go to the Mental Health Services building the caseworkers and psychiatrists invariably think I am mentally ill and look around asking the patient where his caretaker is. They sometimes question it when they point to me, or at least turn red and nervously laugh. When I taught spec ed I'd get asked for my hall pass from all the other teachers and walkie talkie hall assholes. I used to give a prize to the autistic student who could guess the number of safety pins that were holding my outfit together. Some of them must have actually seen me as an adult cuz theyd guess like 1 or 2. HA! more like 10! They were aut-some so they didn't even realise I'm an immature fuck


PS things of note ive done today
Picked up a dead bird and have it in a save a lot bag next to me as I drive around eating goldfish and listening to elvin bishop

Threw a fit cuz my boss was actin like he wasn't gonna let me go to the psych ward to visit a client

A schizophrenic lady told me to stop singing so I ran around her in circles SCREEING out her name over and over

Ok im depressed