YES YES YES YES YES

YES YES YES YES YES

HAPPY BDAY BRUCE, PATRICK AND QUARRY!

My present to you is that we shall be together one day...in 1974

OCCULT

Seeds of the order, satellite daughter
She-goat of the east
Shadow reaper, restless sleeper
Desert pharoah
Golden messenger
Tidings
Waning
Scythe cuts through the land
A land of sand
Desert pharoah comin atcha
A new brand of SIN!
a precious gem enfolds
Encrypted in a layer o' gold
Forthwith the demon chills
From within his whimsy
Praytell mine scared sorcerer
Sacred boughs do twineth at thy baleful entrance
Rats scurry crost marble floors
BY MY TROTH!
twilight
Sabbath
Crest of the phoenix
Malfeasance
READING TO EAHOTHER FROM A JERRY GARCIA BIOGRAPHY
The gothest fairie
Solar Sand witch
Sleepless saplings
Oracle
Omen
Four corners
Shorn
Winding path
Tri-...
....sophy
...mancy

perhaps it was my face
in your window
on it
that you dint like

shoulda checked the sex
offenders list
too bad
so sad

old bitch
gonna gitcha!!
a copy of sky mall

SKY MALL HAS ARRIVED

What's with people being scared of flying? Even long flights are no big whoop to me cuzza SKY MALL. How could you feel anything but pure joy with a baby screaming 6/26 of the alphabet over and over right next to you on one side, a guy chewing all the juices out of a huge fucking sick turd-lookin cigar butt on the other, and a Sky Mall in your hands (and seven Xanax sliding down your esophagus)? I WANT TO BUY EVERYTHING IN IT. ALL. Whether you want to look like a complete douche bag or make your dog look like a complete douche bag, they've got the product for you!
Here are just a few snippets of genius invention of the 21st century:

Why are most of these people trying to be sexy? Put that jizz mask on, then seductively peel it off with pouty face and sexy eyes! Wear this baldness stopping terminator head thing while flexin your...whatever arm muscles are called. I especially like the loungin babe with the leg casts. it's like that's all these models know...they are desperate to keep sexy against the harshest of odds: casts, terminator hats, stupid hats with attached sunglasses, THE SHAME AND ACCOMPANYING INABILITY TO EVER WORK IN THIS COUNTRY AGAIN that comes with having modeled for Sky Mall even! I bet if you're applying for a model job the FIRST question they ask is: Were you ever knowingly, in your right mind, (under threat of international terrorism, coercion by green card, sex slave trafficking, I'm gonna kill your dog then gitcha good kinda guy threats not included) photographed wearing a ridiculous device for the express purpose of becoming a person that will forever be remembered as being a person who was once in SKY MALL? (I don't know why they ask you such wordy legalese questions in modeling interviews, nor whether an actual "green card" still exists or if I just read real old books, by the way) And another thing...no I suppose that's all I got. I believe these photos can speak for themselves, and I just wasted left thumb and right pointer finger strength on this one. Wait one more thing! Bill Murray looks way sexier snoozin on that teal stretch pillow than all those other models combined, so maybe the new alternative is to paparazzi people actually using these things! (which sadly, I have never seen) AAANNNNDD can everyone PLEASE call me "FACE GATOR" from now on?

Things I Have Stolen Cuz Dey Expensive n Small.com

MY BFF STEVIE IS A GENIUS. proof:

Things I have found in New Orleans in the past 24hrs I abandoned at my friends house over a month ago:

-patti smith book

-tin of smokeless gunpowder

-ripped stuffed animal

-various audio cables

-ripped jack kerouac book

-christmas sock

-bag of random, non-functional 35mm film cameras

-toothbrush

-arrested developement "mr wendall" cassette maxi single

-anonymous roll of film

-old polaroids

-rusty knife

-giant wall clock

-stack of samuel beckett books dating back to the 60s. ( i hate samuel beckett).

IS THIS NECESSARY

automaticbinkle.tumblr.com

REAL CRAIGSLIST

hi, I am a single 33 years old male, I live i california , and I am interested in meeting a blonde girl from russia, I would like to establish a relationship that leads to marriage, if you areinteresteed please email me a picture, an dI will answer all emails, please be serious about moving to USA.

Things I Steal Exclusively Because They are Expensive, Small, and Cute Part I

saffron??? $16

scrollin down the last texts I've gotten and sent really describes how awesome I am, in my opinion, personally, myself.

Tarot reading on hp lovecraft's grave muthafucka

he's gonna accidentally pierce it with a "safety" pin and keep it in there to be more goth

I want them to go in the camelot pool together and splash each and just horse around like larry and balki

A girl on tv just said: "I'm feeling shelter shocked"

Nevermind. I figured it out. Somebody just started a drum circle outside.

if bela Lugosi wasn't dead before, he is now

well I'm watching toddlers in tiaras sooo....

Mom owns 200 cars. no lie. could prolly use one or if nice boat and jetskis. ha they have 4! juju ? yeah she coo she calm she come.

This is perfect cuz I live inside a Taco Bell.

he swiftly padded acrosst the ashen thresshold, one red eye glazing in the moonlight

because he was fucking born white!

ITS NOT THAT FUNNY IS IT

I watched todds n tiars tonight. my friends made me turn it off under threat of leaving me alone in this hungover and drugged out state. this show wasn't as funny as I was told. not as creepy. are they really making this show after Jon Benet Ramsey's dad raped and killed her? that's creepy. I only watched one episode, though. the moms also competed which was special, sick, and gross. They weren't pushing the kids as hard as I hoped. They did not make them get Botox. I do plan on watching another episode and not telling anyone about it (in real life) because I HAVE A PROBLEM. I love cable. SO MUCH. I love reality tv. it is a miracle I'm not a psychopath. On techno-paper I think I am. maybe I love to watch shit like this cuz I have a prob, or maybe more people need to admit it so I don't feel so bad.

My fav shows by a 28 YEAR OLD ADULT:

interventsch: only ones with meth girls usually. all the dudes, alcoholics, bulimics=BORING! huff a can o duster if you wanna win my heart

todds n tiaras: when I see another ep I know I will become obsessed

simple life: nicole richie purposely fucking up every job is HILARIOUS. Paris Hilton is ok sometimes

geraldo esp. Satanic Panic era or when he tries to break it down REAL SERIOUS LIKE


Jenny jones: go to jennyjones.com and read her diary PLEASE

trailer park boys: FUCK CANADA cuz I'm a felon there they won't let me in, but if I could ride Bubbles, Sebastian Bach, and Patrick Swayze's weed train across the border Ricky would accept me into his country.

That Gary BUSEY Show: magnet bracelets, chiclets, I wish guns.

celebrity rehab: GARY BUSEY

super nanny or whatever that SHIT is called: fucked 3 year old American brats punch their moms in the face and say fuck you and somehow just cuz they get a British lady in there they start behavin!

ricki lake: trannies and sexy teens= shut yo ass up, sit yo ass down, shut yo ass up, you don know me, sit yo ass down, shut up, shutup!

Donahue and springer and all that shit OF COURSE

old oprah when it was more like Jenny jones and there was still shut yo ass up sit yo ass down goin on

BAIT CAR: cops trick people into stealing cars with the keys in them, which I have done, and will never again because of BAITCAR

parking wars: people yelling at meter maids over and over

WIFE SWAP! BEST EVER!

I'm gonna have to assume this was what the Renaissance was like

BEFORE

AFTER

THE BEST

I...am...very...despacable! Join me, Gru, as I become father figure to three girl scouts and compete with my rival to become the supreme supervillian! I am not a very nice man as I try to steal the moon!

Watch Despicible Me, opening theatres nationwide July 7, as I will face my minions to fight to Hanson and Celine Dion! Ooh I am such a bad man I scare myself!

It's the Susan g. Komen Race for the Cure! I'm walking to raise breast cancer awareness in the hot sun because of the inappropriate and mean comments some people have made about my character's cleavage!
besides, I love big, round flesh balls full of milk!

I'm making breast cancer my bitch and I fight like a girl! real men wear pink! I keep going and going and going!

REAL CRAIGSLIST: oh no I've been CONED

hello pretty russian ladys - 47 (greenville s.c/ usa)

hi ladys my name is gary. i live in greenville s.c/usa. i,m looking for a nice russia wife. american women are nothing but drama queeens. no not looking for a slave. i,m looking for a true partner in life. but i have a few rules. you must have a picture and a phone. i have been coned to many times.

Oh, yo yo, I didn't even see you there. I'm Skinny Tony A.K.A Road Soda Stan B.K.A Road Soad, BY THE WAY. Do you want some things that are for sale? I am selling  weaves, wigs, hats, and like... seed?  I also have a collectable memorable skeleton army man from the hit 'Apocalypse Now' and 2 rats. I got uhhhhh a photo of a bangin bitch with an umbilical cord baby, too if that guides your rudder. No, those birds are not for sale. I do not have control over those. They are just flying by. Also not for sale: the grass. It belongs to native americans, ya dig meh? And my hat isn't either. But I do have a box of black and mild spliffs which I smoked all but three of. And some arrows. Do you want to buy any of it? Also, do you normally wear ball caps? I have a bunch in my truck. What size do you wear?

Ways I have made money PART I

I used to go to a thrift store and steal like 15 pairs of pantyhose. These were previously, no doubt left by the smell, worn by old dead pigeons whose kids couldnt bear to throw away aunt Billie Mae's drawers. My friend and I would take pics of our legs and like sexy spread toe shots and sell these mafkas on ebay for $25. I'd also sell my sick old "man-made uppers" saddle shoes online for 5 times what I paid for them by detailing every revolting odor coming from those duct taped sicks. These are a few email responses I received, though I lost all the best ones when someone erased my old bitchlog:::

I would like to know if these are very worn, with a very strong foot smell. Also, if there is a way to have some light rersidye of pee or masturbation on the crotch area?

Your arches are magnificent miss, your toes like sukkable lilshrrrmps...what shize shoe do youwear?
AL

- footfetishfan

thank you miss!
Yes, shrrrmps, that what I call toes that must be sukked....

Q: just wanted to tell you that you have some sexy feet in hose im a sucker for sexy feet your gubby is one lucky guy if i had you you probably wouldnt be able to leave the house i would worship you

Hi you can get pictures with pantyhose worn sample... ...spicy... you can have this? I purchase photos as sos I get a good example of photos... I'd pay you 20 euros initially for 20 photos... if they are good buy again... no cd... your pictures in email.

STEE's bL0g: Go To it! LASKY!

http://automaticbinkle.tumblr.com/

Things Hoosiers Love (you can guess what a Hoosier is if you don't know, by the shit below...not someone from Indiana)

 

Eeyore

Girls rule boys drool

Bit$h

Butterflies

Tweety

Taz

Winnie the pooh

The voices in my head say for you to go away

Heath ledger joker

Anna nicole smith

r.i.p.

glitter graphix

butterfly hair clips

spiky hair

hair dye

gross nail paint (green blue, sparkly)

jncos

tiny back packs

stuffed animals

6 flags wins

poetry

pwetty baby doll dwesses

stuffed animal clogged dashboards

misused apostrophe's

horrible spelling

ICP

Pink

Angels

Collecting photos of celebrities

Small sunglasses

Huge unexplainable frankenstein shoes

Baggy taz t shirts

Darkness

Sorrow

Agony

Pain

Cutting

Turd braids from random parts of head

Too many headbands and barettes on head at once

The moon

The middle finger

Vampires

Zombies

Blood fetish

Girl interrupted

Twilight

Fetish

Mistress

Leashes on men= dominatrix!

Fire spinning

bellydancing

Wiccanism

Pyromania

Being "crazy" and "evil" and "psycho"

Saying "this is me if you don't like it than fuck you"

Witches

Warlocks

Raven

Wolves

Role playing

Cowboy hats

Hair roots

Sports

Body building

Korn

White rap

Jester hats

Bumper stickers

Rearview mirror hangers

Car seat covers

Shag animal print (esp car seat covers!)

Furry boots

Buckles

Dog collars

Black polish & dye

 Online games

Stupid color contacts

Jager!!!
pet rabbits

Burlesque

The following emotions & charcter traits

Coy

Evil

Sexy

Bitchy

Sweet

Slutty

Dirrrty

Disturbed

Psycho

Pyro

Depressed

 

My Dating History

my dating history

         My fisrt girlfreind I had was in 10th grade. I can tell you from expirience- the girls did not like me to much. For one I had acne and scars was very tall and verry skinny and always had thin long hair (no not balding but "thin"). Any way I always have to go on tangence! ;) The girlfreind in 10th grade, well she was not REALLY  a girlfreind. I asked her to go to prom she was in the japanese club with me. she said "yes" and we went but then when we got there I noticed she was always starring at her old boyfreind and then she started crying and woudent even talk to me at all. He was there with another girl his new girlfrend. I tryed to consul her but she was irratic. I thought then "hey she wanted to go but just wanted me to pay the $60 so she could get her boyfreind back" they did of coarse get back together that night and the other girl (not my date) wouldent talk to me of coarse. they danced to "you look wonderful tonight" and cryed and then grinded to a horrible rap song! the girl cryed and said "well Im sorry, it was love, not you" she didnt even apologize for leaving me alone at all.
         Next  in 11th grade I got a girlfreind but it was sort of a agreemint that we would go out becase are freinds were all freinds together. we never really hung out at all and I tryed to kiss her a couple times but she always said she had the throw up taste in her mouth so she dident want too. I sent her flowers on are aniversary and she never said anything so I sent her a note which I saw her pass around to her freinds and I saw it it had all the spelling corrected and circled words I used to much and had a knife drawn on it. well we never broke up really so i guess joke's on her we are still boyfreind and girlfreind!! :)))
        Later that year I got a REAL girlfreind that I acually kissed but she was kind of trying to be diffrent and loved Hunter Thompson (I do to but this was really crazy!!!!)
she said her goal in life was to try every drug out there! I still really liked her till she wrote me a note on pot and it said that she was fingered on a rollercoaster one time and that she had sex before on a cruse ship I had to dump her. Later we where still freinds and she came over to do a class progect at my house and she stole $34 from my mom's purse which of coarse I got blamed for!
       Next  a long line of girls that I asked for there number's in college and they all said "oh sorry I have to wash my hair tongiht" well I heard that one in "Hairspray" so nice try lady's! I coud not give them any more of my time for a while obvously!
         In college a girl in the dorms when I was a junior was from my highschool but she was younger ( a freshman when I was a junior in high school.) She was kind of odd too and I had a "girlfreind" at the time that I met during x-mas back at my hometown (turns out she was cheating on me then but that's another story) the girl from my highschool then dorm would come in and say she loved me in highschol and I would say I had a girlfreind but she would lay with me on the bunkbed and say I had a six pack and rub my stomache . the she ripped all the pictures of my girlfreind to shreds in my photo album! she always was pale and tryed to get attention by talking about her mental problems but I didnt know she was so nuts. she one time came over and was DRUNK and said she needed to borrow my chessbord. So then she tryed to go "down there" iykwim (if you know what Imean) and then cryed when I said "no"and she said "well i was raped" and said she was going to cut her wrists!She said her uncle raped her. Well I didn't know anything about that! I finally got rid of her after a while.
       NEXT (o god only 10 more year's left!) after I dropped out of college and started working on cars I found all the girls in the wrong place. They just love a grease monkey! After some girl's who turned out to be"christan" so they would not be intimate or have sex to be frank they would act crazy. Now don't get me wrong, I am not Christian but I have nothing against them per say- I just am not religous at all. So just let me say that. So to not beat around the bush, I will say I wanted to have sex this time I was 26 with no good relatonships yet If i only "knew then!"
       I dated a girl who moved in with me pretty quick. Then her sister would come over all the time and they would watch t.v. well her sister would just fall asleep right there on the couch everynight with her dog. Then her sister would go out and leave the dog and I would have to deal with it. Then my girlfreind started getting fat and lost her job at Arby's and just stayed home all day on internet chatrooms. The dog was always crapping everywhere and barking it chewed up my new keybord and my shoes and I think was jelous because it chewed up all her underware! Later she bought a internet camera which I thought "why?" because she was getting real fat and I never thought I would come home one day and she left her AOL open (which I payed for of coarse). I saw 6 months of letters of internet affars with internet sex and the whole bit! Well at this time I was working to support both her AND her sister and the dog and payed all the internet and cable bills whicere one month $1000.00!  i found folder's of naked pictures and all! We had not even had sex in a year becase I would come home from work and she had turned around and gotten tired she said! So now I now why. so I printed out all 1000's of emails while she was at Chickfille and layed them out on the floor so she had to face them all. Well she was real imbarassed and cryed and after we broke up and I kicked her sister out. But for then she had nowere to go so she stayed there at my house. She never did meet up with her internet lover but she did get a boyfreind who I am 99.99999999999999999999% sure is gay.
    Next I got a girfreind who wanted a baby so bad that she poked wholes into condoms and I dident know untill my exgirlfreind told me so I kicked them BOTH out! One for using all the AOL and internet, the other for trying to make me have 18 year's of raising Arizona! I don't think so!