Almost fell for it!

This is the site I got to when I typed the wrong address for the library. Have you seen these things? Of course you have. Are these fake-out sites trying to trick you into stayin around and hanging out on their site? What joy could someone possibly get from this? Is it a trick for old people who don't know how to use a computer? Are the old people to beleive, when stumbling upon this web page, that these are the only books at the Ypsilanti library (pretty close, actually). I didn't click on any of these things despite rabid curiosity ( Amanda Hocking!?!!??) so I don't think they're trying to sellyou anything, but even if they were- it'd take a lot of misguided clicking and credit card number entering to get there. I'm just confused and I REALLY want to know. Also viruses...what's the point? Some 90s Angelina Jolies are sitting in a dark room listening to Moby's tough stuff getting off JUST IMAGINING how many poor suckers' computers are running kinda slow sometimes?

Crazy Landlord Part ii

So i went back to the apartment to gather all of my friend's stuff and there was a sign on the door reading, "I DONT FORGIVE TRESPASSERS, I CALL COPS" I thought that was like a bible verse or something so I wasn't really concerned until I noticed something odd... A strange smell... And then i noticed something looked different about the whole place. Oh! That's what it is! She had removed every tiny peice of leaf dust and rock, etc from the stairwell and POURED BLEACH ALL OVER IT AND SCRUBBED THE SHIT OUT OF IT! Now I can see that being reasonable if these concrete stairs, window sill, and entryway were filled with trash or dog feces, but I just left it yesterday and the only things down there was dust, leaves, maybe a peice of bark. The window screens at the bottom of the stairs had bleach splashes all over them, leading me to deduce that she stood at the top of the stairs and sloshed the bleach down all over everything, not wanting to even enter this IMPURE STAIRWAY. For god's sake, A MAN was known to be down there! A MAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN! I really should install a hidden camera down there because I know she's flippin out anytime she goes near Satan's stairwell. PS this woman is not religious AT ALL. She's a crazy fuckin hippie feminist, so I have NO IDEA why this is happening. But what I want to know is, what should I leave in the apartment when I'm finished cleaning it:

A. A used condom on a platter right by the door

B. All the pages of huge black men torn out of playgirl and pasted on the wall around every corner

C. Maybe I'm on the wrong track with those other two and I should just cram raw chicken in a bowl of sour milk into the vents.

Lemme know if you've got any ideas!

Bin dunalotta thankin

Crazy landlady chronicals part ONE, hopefully not part ONLY

Ok so im totally ripping off this other blog about a guy getting evicted by a crazy person, but this must be chronicalled, should it become a recurring thing. Never thought it would happen to me. Judge judy, get ready. judge only god can judge me, here i come!

So my best friend moved away and has 4 months left on the lease. I needed a place to stay: perfect. She and I were always there so i figured no one would notice/care if they saw me come and go.

WRONG!

i woke up today to violent knocking, looked out the peep hole, but was too hungover/ not giving a fuck, to ignore her. She looks like a faces of meth after photo, but i openend the door anyway. She demanded: whats going on, where's the friend, etc, and was already FIRED UP.

I calmly explained: she's out of town, i'm watering plants, etc.

Well that made her MAD AND PISSED. though- or more likely because- i was totally reasonable and calm, her fervor re: perceived injustice was spiralling out of control. I answered all questions honestly and succinctly. She could tell: this wasnt gonna be the drama she had hoped for. Any time i said "okay" she would pace like a steamed up gypsy teen, "OKAY? OKAY? you think thats okay, ill show you ok!"

"No problem"= "oh you think theres no problem. THERE IS A PROBLEM"

"Go ahead"= "go ahead!??!!?go-a-head? Oh i will- you'll see- ill go ahead!!" etc...

When i asked what the problems were:

"You cant have all these... BAGS... these...THINGS... these DECORATIONS In the windows... I cant have that!"

"Whats this?"
"A bicycle"
"Huff what huff ughhhhhj
And this? I cant have this shit everywhere?!!"
(A card board box)
"Ummm"
"I cant have all this shit!"
"Okkkk"

"Oh you think its ok?"

THEN my friend, who I already assumed ahe saw, and who had been hiding perfectly behind me to escape her line of sight, moved ever so slightly...

"WHO IS THAT?"

"My friend..."

"A MAN?!! A MANNNN ? there is a MAN IN MY HOUSE?!?? A MAN!?! This isnt your house! Its my house! A MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN?!!?!!?!!"

"Ummm"

"IM IM THATS IT IM CALLING THE COPS" (starts up stairs)
"You have 7 days to evict!
What are you gonna do? Tell me!"

"Ummm, leave within 7 days?"

"No! NOW! im calling the cops"

"Ok"

"OK? COPS? OK? "

"Sure, i dunno what you want me to say? Do you want to fight? Im just chillin"

"ILL BE HARASSING YOU ALL DAY! get out by three! YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND GET OUT!!"

"No problem"

"OH ITS NOT A PROBLEM? then do it! NOW!"

"Ok, four hours, then. Ill be gone"

"AHHSJJDJAHGAYYXCJUSJSJDJUXJDJJJDU FUCK FUCK FUCK COPS FUCK ILL GOD FUK! i'll fuck god!!"

We'll see what happens next! TBC