Friday, June 22, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
AHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!
LIVIN' IN THE SOUF
by stevie
Grits
Old hickory jim
Cracklin' McJingles
Abandoned mill towns
Cornbread
Chitlun
Bistro poverty
Sunburned white man
Boiled peanut
Overpriced pecans
Cigs the same price since 1992
Shitty accents
Shufflin' mans
Shady motels
Allman Brothers
Obesity
Sugar lick
Old tea
Truck drivin' Randy
Food stamp
Religion
Revival
Crooks and perverts
Old hickory jim
Cracklin' McJingles
Abandoned mill towns
Cornbread
Chitlun
Bistro poverty
Sunburned white man
Boiled peanut
Overpriced pecans
Cigs the same price since 1992
Shitty accents
Shufflin' mans
Shady motels
Allman Brothers
Obesity
Sugar lick
Old tea
Truck drivin' Randy
Food stamp
Religion
Revival
Crooks and perverts
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Friday, June 15, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Some things I hate: Volume XIICMMCIIX
The givens:
-Welp, its the dawn of the dark doobie again, boys. Weed! You know I hate it! Here's what the doobie will make you do: it will make you sit around and fart and think phish is good. Yep you look real cool: squinty and tie-dyed with a half choked on bag of cheese puffs hangin out your bong hole! Hang 10 bra!
-Babies and anyone who ever even looked at one on purpose for longer than 30 seconds. Theyre sick bags of blubber that drool and shit on everything. Its like people become stupider the second they look at one. Babies and intelligence go together like shit and strawberry shortcake. Don't bother having one if you hope to further your education or have an intelligent conversation THAT ISNT ABOUT BABIES EVER AGAIN!
Some things I might be on my own with and also prove that I'm a total jaded bitch:
-When people think like a dirty chair is a family heirloom just because their dead mom sat in it. This older lady from work brought a SICK, grey, puffy, arm-less, stuffing coming out, broke down ass swivel office chair and constantly comes back to the office questioning who "messed with it" when in reality no one else will sit in it cuz she smells weird and everyone thinks her smell will suction into the gross puff and then sponge out back onto you if you sit on it. Trailer park heirloom!
I HATE SO MANY THINGS!
-Welp, its the dawn of the dark doobie again, boys. Weed! You know I hate it! Here's what the doobie will make you do: it will make you sit around and fart and think phish is good. Yep you look real cool: squinty and tie-dyed with a half choked on bag of cheese puffs hangin out your bong hole! Hang 10 bra!
-Babies and anyone who ever even looked at one on purpose for longer than 30 seconds. Theyre sick bags of blubber that drool and shit on everything. Its like people become stupider the second they look at one. Babies and intelligence go together like shit and strawberry shortcake. Don't bother having one if you hope to further your education or have an intelligent conversation THAT ISNT ABOUT BABIES EVER AGAIN!
Some things I might be on my own with and also prove that I'm a total jaded bitch:
-When people think like a dirty chair is a family heirloom just because their dead mom sat in it. This older lady from work brought a SICK, grey, puffy, arm-less, stuffing coming out, broke down ass swivel office chair and constantly comes back to the office questioning who "messed with it" when in reality no one else will sit in it cuz she smells weird and everyone thinks her smell will suction into the gross puff and then sponge out back onto you if you sit on it. Trailer park heirloom!
I HATE SO MANY THINGS!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
This is my life
Oh my baby is so VERBAL. like SUPER VERBAL. She's only 2 and 7/16ths. She gits so MANIC! i want the sand box, I don't want the sandbox, HUH HUH HUH! Now, like, I feel guilty cuz most kids can't ebbsbress themselbs and my SUPER VERBAL BUNDLE can say LITERALLY EVERYTHING and like I know how she's feeling whereas soforth other babbys therefore CANT. LOOK! the RIVER! want to go look at the fishies? HUHUHUH HUH (ross from FRIENDS laugh and face and clothes) Letsus go to the GAZEBO!? what say ya? BLUHBLEEBO. did you friends notice my khaki cargo-breeches? Wanna do awkward karaoke at a fake Jap restaurant? GAZEBO ANYBODY? waaaaaaa Baby dont want to wah wah! HEY FUCK OFF I'M ONLY TRYING TO GET DRUNK ALONE BY THIS SICK RIVER LIKE A BUM! Phewwww somebody needs a nap! HUHUH HUHUHH
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Why are depression commercials waaaaay more depressing than even having depression? Uggs, jaundice, stiff curly hair, dogs that are big but look like they should be small, having to walk dogs, DOGS AT ALL!? Why do they have to put pets into this situation?! There's always cats being half heartedly pet. Or dogs being slowly walked by someone with uggs whose face looks like an inside out Chucky mask. These animals need depression medication, if anyone does. They already shit everywhere so the side effects won't really hurt them. God! What if you were a dog and got stuck with a boring ass depression owner! Fuck!
And then the mighty beetle grew whenceforth from whence he came therefore. He scritched and scritched until he had presently made a ball of his excrement as high as the stars. All the people gathered round and became a part of that excrement ball in earnest.
And then the mighty beetle grew whenceforth from whence he came therefore. He scritched and scritched until he had presently made a ball of his excrement as high as the stars. All the people gathered round and became a part of that excrement ball in earnest.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Friday, June 1, 2012
Some embarrassing things about my friends
I have conversations with myself about Dune
I just make cabbage patch doll faces in the mirror. I git so bored.
When i was 11, i'd stay home sick from school, huff paint, stare into the mirror and pretend i was an alien
I was trying to mess w holly in a public restroom by putting my head under her stall. She put a plunger on my face.
When i was 12 i thought the word 'chode' meant 'sod' or 'grass' so i used it interchangeably until a teacher corrected me
The last few times ive had sex i cant stop thinking about shitting. Sometimes when the sex is bad i think how much more enjoyable it would be if i was shitting right then instead
when I was like 13 I sat on a railing and kinda put this end knob thing up my ass (through my jeans, of course) and it felt great.
I just make cabbage patch doll faces in the mirror. I git so bored.
When i was 11, i'd stay home sick from school, huff paint, stare into the mirror and pretend i was an alien
I was trying to mess w holly in a public restroom by putting my head under her stall. She put a plunger on my face.
When i was 12 i thought the word 'chode' meant 'sod' or 'grass' so i used it interchangeably until a teacher corrected me
The last few times ive had sex i cant stop thinking about shitting. Sometimes when the sex is bad i think how much more enjoyable it would be if i was shitting right then instead
when I was like 13 I sat on a railing and kinda put this end knob thing up my ass (through my jeans, of course) and it felt great.
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