What's with people being scared of flying? Even long flights are no big whoop to me cuzza SKY MALL. How could you feel anything but pure joy with a baby screaming 6/26 of the alphabet over and over right next to you on one side, a guy chewing all the juices out of a huge fucking sick turd-lookin cigar butt on the other, and a Sky Mall in your hands (and seven Xanax sliding down your esophagus)? I WANT TO BUY EVERYTHING IN IT. ALL. Whether you want to look like a complete douche bag or make your dog look like a complete douche bag, they've got the product for you!
Here are just a few snippets of genius invention of the 21st century:
Why are most of these people trying to be sexy? Put that jizz mask on, then seductively peel it off with pouty face and sexy eyes! Wear this baldness stopping terminator head thing while flexin your...whatever arm muscles are called. I especially like the loungin babe with the leg casts. it's like that's all these models know...they are desperate to keep sexy against the harshest of odds: casts, terminator hats, stupid hats with attached sunglasses, THE SHAME AND ACCOMPANYING INABILITY TO EVER WORK IN THIS COUNTRY AGAIN that comes with having modeled for Sky Mall even! I bet if you're applying for a model job the FIRST question they ask is: Were you ever knowingly, in your right mind, (under threat of international terrorism, coercion by green card, sex slave trafficking, I'm gonna kill your dog then gitcha good kinda guy threats not included) photographed wearing a ridiculous device for the express purpose of becoming a person that will forever be remembered as being a person who was once in SKY MALL? (I don't know why they ask you such wordy legalese questions in modeling interviews, nor whether an actual "green card" still exists or if I just read real old books, by the way) And another thing...no I suppose that's all I got. I believe these photos can speak for themselves, and I just wasted left thumb and right pointer finger strength on this one. Wait one more thing! Bill Murray looks way sexier snoozin on that teal stretch pillow than all those other models combined, so maybe the new alternative is to paparazzi people actually using these things! (which sadly, I have never seen) AAANNNNDD can everyone PLEASE call me "FACE GATOR" from now on?
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