Mercy Seat: A Mostly Monologue

What’s it like to live here (in a Tenderloin SRO)?

I don’t live there, cuz that’s my crime scene. I don’t go there because people have done terrible things to me. Ever been to Sunnyslope? I don’t know if anyone has a right to question me anymore, but I’m not a slope- I’m somebody’s son and somebody’s grandson. That’s right. That’s right Rachel. I’m somebody’s daughter on fire. My sister’s name is Jill.

Can you tell me more about being on fire?

Know what they do to homeless girls in SF that don’t have fire? That’s withcraft! So believe it, practice it.... And enforce it. Its laws. That man trespassed on my land. He violated the laws of love. And accused me of something. And for that… he’s gonna pay the consequences of the mercy seat. I didn’t do nothin’. I had to crawl out of the hole. He dug a hole and said climb out. Just keep climbin’, you’ll get outta there.

Who accused you of what?

There’s more than one way to prove a marriage. I used to say this about my dad. That he was lucky enough to have a wife to keep his pot. Meaning that despite the fact that we have two legs and two hands, maybe even as strong as some of those pro-wrestlers… deep down inside we’re just a mouse- just a tired mouse- and so the necessary things that we do sometimes cause a considerable amount of pain and sometimes cause our friends and relations to say an equal remainder. But to heal a man- to take care of his aches and pains- and all these other things with the smelly out-houses is potty-ing. To go potty in them. So it doesn’t matter that Ross Perot or I get a free man- or a free ride. But what does matter is that my mom’s sitting on that motorcycle. You can’t see a club member’s patch when their girl is sitting on their bike with them. Not from behind.

Can you tell me what qualities you possess that make it possible for you to live here?

Hunnhhhh!! I’m not a super hero, and I’m not an Allen, and I’m not a racist. I don’t set people up for accidents. I don’t have insurance, cuz insurance, in the world I live in is breaking somebody’s knee-caps because they’re doing something wrong. In the wrong place at the wrong time. They call that um… a stash. Or a bank. Not an Irish bank- a bank. I know a lot of people who think their mattress is full of money and that they’re capable of doing that but ENFORCING the big on somebody that is incapable of pain is like milking a goat for macaroni.

What do you feel needs to be enforced?

I got a name, and that’s something a notary public can’t take away from me. Not even Charles the Wizard. I just ask you, Taylor, to think about how important it is to help people, because I don’t get to go home and see my grandmother anymore. I don’t get to go home and see my grandma… in somebody else’s truck, and that somebody in a sheriff uniform, in somebody else’s truck. A sheriff uniform. A desert shield uniform.

Does that scare you? What are your fears?

I’m an addict. And I’m afraid…Rachel…Fonzi…I’m afraid that you are gonna steal my addict. And I can’t afford to let that happen. I can’t afford my daughter….scorned… because the mercy seat is a very serious thing. To ride around on an angel’s wing.

Do you…

A lot of people collect things like skin, dust, bugs, fish… I collect sniper rifles but I’m no sniper. I was in jail. I’m not a librarian and I don’t have the ability to keep track of people who want to book me. You ever tasted minced meat? Do you know how it’s made? What does it mean to mince something? I don’t really know how. CHOP! SUEY! You can dive in anywhere and bring it back. (faces the wall and glares intently)Sure Max… (motions as if shooing someone away)

I wonder…

The only state in the U.S. that is diamonds. Carbon, solid, clear. Diamonds. If the Waltons were ever to take the field… there isn’t enough baseball bats in the world to force me to play. And my life insurance policy is not my daughter. Anything about Don Quixote on the Spanish trail! He did a lot more things than just be D.Q. He did a lot of right things. He did a lot of good things. And he was blind. My grandmother was blind. My father was too. Do you ever know a blues player named Blind Melon? The school? Do you know what happens if you eat a wild watermelon? You see all those little white hair-like things that look like ice? Well they stick like splinters.

I…

Sorry George, but I didn’t blackball you in the theatre and that new pope- it’s a different thing- it’s a different thing going on you know. I hope y’all have the tools to fix it. Cuz I don’t. My own Planet Lulu, San Francisco. Reathie’s one of the 16, right? One of the states that can refuse the dollar? You know I had my blood problem? I keep all my junk quiet. I’ll go right to the head of the rattlesnake. Yeah, I’m gonna keep that three-wheeler (looks off wistfully)… (whisper) You ever played with a squeegee board? I don’t keep the boys in my ear or in my house and I’m not gonna fly with people who do. I’m not gonna give my kids crack. And I’m not gonna be blinded by chance and play with the sea. The only dead sea salt that I’ve ever seen is the sticky stuff that a ghost leaves behind and has a funny way of grabbing the letters off the board. Like an eyeball with a chess piece.

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Tangentiality- Wandering from the topic and never returning to it or providing the information requested. e.g. in answer to the question, “ Where are you from” a response, “My dog is from England. They have good fish and chips there. Fish breathe through gills.”

Circumstantiality- An inability to answer a question without giving excessive, unnecessary detail. This differs from tangential thinking in that the person does eventually return to the original point.

Derailment (also loose associations and knight’s move thinking)- Ideas slip off the topic’s track on to another which is obliquely related or unrelated. “The next day when I’d be going out you know, I took control, like uh, I put bleach on my hair in California.”

According to the bible the mercy seat (Hebrew: “atonement piece”) was the lid or cover of solid gold of the Ark of the covenant, and was connected to the rituals of the Day of the Atonement

**From wikipedia