Wear It Til It Literally Rots Off Your Body 101

I used to play a game with my students when I taught autistic teens. Guess How Many Safety Pins are Holding Ms. McGraw's Outfit Together Today was its name. It was the highlight of their day, and in case you were wondering the highest number of pins was 9.
Therefore, I feel that I am experienced enough to teach a college course. With a lil resumé tweaking I tricked the Local College O' Fashion to let me teach a course. It is called Wear It Til It Literally Rots Off Your Body 101, or as the kooky kids call it WITILROYB 101. Here are some previews of the syllabus. If you would like to join this class just let me know. I guarantee you will spend 500% less money on clothes using my esteemed methods.

Section 1: If someone gave it to you, and you stop wearing it, something bad will happen to that person.

Section 2: If it always feels wet, you have done your job correctly.

Section 3: If your friends are disgusted by your sick pants, you have done your job correctly.

Section 4: Did this or did it not come out of a swamp?

Section 5: If your boss makes you come into his office and asks that you do not wear something to work again, that = success + compliment.

Section 6: Rethinking wet-feeling (from Sec. 2) At later dates you may be immune to this. Have a friend check. If it's real wet just leave the tights inside that you wear under them and never wash either.

Section 7: Help, it's not falling off! Don't worry- you've got nothin but time.

Section 8: Fat Roll Sweat Increases Value

 

This also has a ink transfer from a tattoo because I slept in it the night I got it. Also, my nail polish is, of course, rotting off.

Section 9: No leather- no problem

Section 10: Most value attained when the item is completely see-through when laying flat.

Section 11: There is hope. If it completely rots off, just re-sew it to be as 90's as possible.

Nice 'n' Nineties. Never Give up!