This Is My Life

Large birds are polite and don't fuck with humans. They stay out of our business, and  I think that's nice, but weird. Why? Why do they stay out of our business? Why don't they flap by real close just to scare us? Why don't they steal a bagel from an unsuspercting pedest? The world would be a much scarier place if animals were not scared, and did not OBEY. Why doesn't someone write a horror movie about this? It would be way scarier and definitely more original than a zombie movie for god's sake!  I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF THE ZOMBIE MOVIES! And I haven't even seen one! A huge crow pecking your eye is WAY more fucked, scary, and real than a slow ass zombie wriggling near you and going "ehhhhhghhhhhhh". Crows are large and in charge and unlike zombies have all their body parts and are ready to hurt you with them. Have you ever seen one close up? They're enormous! But we get to live in NO FEAR of them, except that crazy woman on Maury who was horrified of even parakeets. You couldn't even go on a walk or get yer damn starbucks. You would have to live in CONSTANT FEAR of squirrels, birds, rodents, and crows. One day they'll all realize their power, and on that day humans will be fucked.
 
THE END
BY PAULY SHORE