Crazy Landlord Part ii

So i went back to the apartment to gather all of my friend's stuff and there was a sign on the door reading, "I DONT FORGIVE TRESPASSERS, I CALL COPS" I thought that was like a bible verse or something so I wasn't really concerned until I noticed something odd... A strange smell... And then i noticed something looked different about the whole place. Oh! That's what it is! She had removed every tiny peice of leaf dust and rock, etc from the stairwell and POURED BLEACH ALL OVER IT AND SCRUBBED THE SHIT OUT OF IT! Now I can see that being reasonable if these concrete stairs, window sill, and entryway were filled with trash or dog feces, but I just left it yesterday and the only things down there was dust, leaves, maybe a peice of bark. The window screens at the bottom of the stairs had bleach splashes all over them, leading me to deduce that she stood at the top of the stairs and sloshed the bleach down all over everything, not wanting to even enter this IMPURE STAIRWAY. For god's sake, A MAN was known to be down there! A MAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN! I really should install a hidden camera down there because I know she's flippin out anytime she goes near Satan's stairwell. PS this woman is not religious AT ALL. She's a crazy fuckin hippie feminist, so I have NO IDEA why this is happening. But what I want to know is, what should I leave in the apartment when I'm finished cleaning it:

A. A used condom on a platter right by the door

B. All the pages of huge black men torn out of playgirl and pasted on the wall around every corner

C. Maybe I'm on the wrong track with those other two and I should just cram raw chicken in a bowl of sour milk into the vents.

Lemme know if you've got any ideas!