Crazy landlady chronicals part ONE, hopefully not part ONLY

Ok so im totally ripping off this other blog about a guy getting evicted by a crazy person, but this must be chronicalled, should it become a recurring thing. Never thought it would happen to me. Judge judy, get ready. judge only god can judge me, here i come!

So my best friend moved away and has 4 months left on the lease. I needed a place to stay: perfect. She and I were always there so i figured no one would notice/care if they saw me come and go.

WRONG!

i woke up today to violent knocking, looked out the peep hole, but was too hungover/ not giving a fuck, to ignore her. She looks like a faces of meth after photo, but i openend the door anyway. She demanded: whats going on, where's the friend, etc, and was already FIRED UP.

I calmly explained: she's out of town, i'm watering plants, etc.

Well that made her MAD AND PISSED. though- or more likely because- i was totally reasonable and calm, her fervor re: perceived injustice was spiralling out of control. I answered all questions honestly and succinctly. She could tell: this wasnt gonna be the drama she had hoped for. Any time i said "okay" she would pace like a steamed up gypsy teen, "OKAY? OKAY? you think thats okay, ill show you ok!"

"No problem"= "oh you think theres no problem. THERE IS A PROBLEM"

"Go ahead"= "go ahead!??!!?go-a-head? Oh i will- you'll see- ill go ahead!!" etc...

When i asked what the problems were:

"You cant have all these... BAGS... these...THINGS... these DECORATIONS In the windows... I cant have that!"

"Whats this?"
"A bicycle"
"Huff what huff ughhhhhj
And this? I cant have this shit everywhere?!!"
(A card board box)
"Ummm"
"I cant have all this shit!"
"Okkkk"

"Oh you think its ok?"

THEN my friend, who I already assumed ahe saw, and who had been hiding perfectly behind me to escape her line of sight, moved ever so slightly...

"WHO IS THAT?"

"My friend..."

"A MAN?!! A MANNNN ? there is a MAN IN MY HOUSE?!?? A MAN!?! This isnt your house! Its my house! A MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN?!!?!!?!!"

"Ummm"

"IM IM THATS IT IM CALLING THE COPS" (starts up stairs)
"You have 7 days to evict!
What are you gonna do? Tell me!"

"Ummm, leave within 7 days?"

"No! NOW! im calling the cops"

"Ok"

"OK? COPS? OK? "

"Sure, i dunno what you want me to say? Do you want to fight? Im just chillin"

"ILL BE HARASSING YOU ALL DAY! get out by three! YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND GET OUT!!"

"No problem"

"OH ITS NOT A PROBLEM? then do it! NOW!"

"Ok, four hours, then. Ill be gone"

"AHHSJJDJAHGAYYXCJUSJSJDJUXJDJJJDU FUCK FUCK FUCK COPS FUCK ILL GOD FUK! i'll fuck god!!"

We'll see what happens next! TBC