confession

In new orleans I lived in a double barrel shotgun with the landlord staying on the otherside. He lived in L.A. usually, which might explain why he gave us creepy hugs when he came to town, I dunno, I've never been to LA. Do they even allow people this pale into the city? ANYWAY so the landlord was only there like twice a year to stay for a weekend, during which he'd have gross loud exaggerated sex with hookers. So hookers and hugs, got that? He also had a gross goatee thing, so what I did was justified. When I lived in new orleans i survived off "playing" "car check" (if the doors are unlocked you get to steal anything inside!), stealing change from sleeping friends, and occasionally cleaning rich people's houses (also stealing their change) One fine 30th, rent was comin up due and though we were letting 3 or more gross chip-inners sleep on our floors at a time, one room mate and I couldnt afford to give our one responsible room mate the meager amount yet again. We had spent our last sorry pennies on a bottle of champagne and were sitting on the front stoop lamenting the fact when we got a brilliant idea! there's a window above my room, and on our side of the roof there's no attic access! If that window was open we should be able to enter the landlord's and steal whatever we might find there! we immediately grabbed the landlord's ladder and lo and behold the window popped right open! It must have been left just for us because directly next to the window was a HUGE BUCKET OF CHANGE! I immediately started filling my underwear with the quarters while my room mate snooped around. There were stairs leading into his apartment which was basically just a LOOSE CHANGE HOLDER! We also stole all the toilet paper, salt, lightbulbs, and any other ammenities we couldn't afford which was ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. Then we left his back door unlocked so we could enter and constantly steal change. That fine day we handed our responsible room mate stolen socks full of stolen change to pay the rent.

Don't tell