The parking lot at my work part 2

Things i hate/secretly love part 1737566

SORORITY GIRLS ON CRUTCHES
who try to dress so cute with their ONE reeealllly cute boot or high heel. What?? oooh this outfit would be really cute if i werent on crutches HUMILIATING MYSELF because i fell on some ice at a frat party!
they put SO much effort into the choice of the boot, you can tell, like anyone is looking at anything other than that HUGE terminator mechanical whole-leg foot cast thing with like screws and knobs on it. cute flowy underdressed for the weather cher top. youll be workin up a sweat on those crutches (and so will the OBVIOUSLY EMBARASSED guy youre with) so i guess its good you dont have a coat.

SELF ESTEEM TIME

this time i will make a REASONABLE 'at least i am not list' not to include 'a person having only one arm and/or tree man body' or ' a fat frat boy with flip flops'. sorry to any people who might think are being referenced, im not talkin bout you. i know who reads this shit! no one!

AT LEAST I AM NOT:

in a permanent relationship cuzza VD

married

pregnant

stuck with a kid for life

a restaurant job person who loves it and only wants restaurant jobs 4 life and talks bout how hard it ACTUALLY is all the time

void of grammar and spelling proficiency

a TATTLE TAIL

without desire for, if not an actual, purpose in life

pokin holes in condoms tryin to get hitched

on maury p. or have any reason to be, except for a fake one which i would do IN AN INSTANT

an apple body on,when robin hood dressed up like a bird, stilt legs

a CRAFTY SEWY ON APPLIQUE BAGGY FUCK

an ann arbor person

a SEXY PHISH DANCER

a martini glass decorative target picture and beach towel shit fuck collector

TACKY

a stuffed animal lova

a daddy issue

someone so lazy they try to reach something by leaning on a spinning chair and fall

a new music listener toer or someone ashamed to have been listening to the same three dog night record on repeat for 4 HOURS!

a weird face like from the side is okay then WHATTT noooo?? uhhh butter face melt face

this is getting ridic, i feel better

look what i can do on my phone! ART at its finest!

just some things i found in the apartment complex parkin lot where i work

tales from russssssssia

First I had two room mates, Mischa was weird- he had a lil mullet, a gold chain, and a Dolce & Gabbana women's tee w/ a hood on it. He cruised Nevsky Prospekt for girls to stare at while puffing out his chest like a gypsy pigeon and pretending to wait for someone at the metro while suckin’ on a hot dog and staring at a cheap Avril Lavigne knock-off. I thought he was weird, but really was nothing compared to the other one, Anton.

The other one shaves his head 3 times a day and wears a men's bikini. He drinks a mixture of vodka and absinthe in a huge 7-11 size mug and chases it with an equal amount of EXTREME ENERGY DRINK right before he goes out clubbing in a leather men’s work type shirt and flowered vest, and right AFTER he straps huge water jugs on his ankles and does pull ups on a coat rack, still in bikini. All this after he works all day as a quality control inspector at a cigarette factory.

But now while i am out of town for the day a new one moves in. We don't know where he came from. Anton (head shaver) calls Yoora (normal one, not mentioned here) and asks if he can just move out today, just like that, so that Lonya, a guy Anton met at the bus station today, can move in. Yoora says no. I understand why I think. so Lonya sleeps in anton's room and they are always in the bathroom together, one showering, the other shaving his head? I dunno. Either that or they are walking around in their bikins yapping really fast in Russian though they know i don't know what they're saying. They could be saying "You are ugly but we will still rape you tonight without removing our speedos." I have no idea.

Yoora said he walked by their OPEN DOOR one day and the new guy was buck nake doin squats. I peek'd in their room one day and saw a 50 gallon fish tank with like 5 inches of water, one struggling fish and like 2842894y24 mosquitos breeding in it. That and 2 horrifying plague mask lookin’ mardi gras masks and 2 dog collars. One was all masculine and the other was smaller with a pink cameo charm hanging off it. And that's it. Nothin else, besides about 193718937198 rubles, which, don’t ask me why, I didn’t steal.

It's like that time Tiffany, Dustin, Mike Boyd, Pat and I broke into Prince Michael's house intending on going go to his "church service" and all there was in the house was 20 turned over chairs in a church like formation (indicating a struggle?), a mattress with no bedding anywhere, like 15 broken computers, 20 bibles, and a fridge full of organic strawberries.

COLUMBIA, MO - remember Prince Michael? Please? He wore a nice grey suit and headphones and paced up and down 9th street handing out glamour shots of himself with his manifesto on the back. Also printed was his church services times and location, hence how we ended up breaking into his house. He repeated over and over what I assume he was listening to on his hedphones: " My mother is the next rightful heir to the British throne. My grandmother rolled in the hay with John F. Kennedy and Napoleon. 1,000 men have witnessed her resurrecction" On his ‘89 Dodge Charger he had those white letter stickers that spelled out "I LOVE MY COUSIN'S WILLIAM AND HARRY"

COOL HAND!

Whaddidi jus claw my way out of the grave? Nope, just the uschj