Mercy Seat: A Mostly Monologue

What’s it like to live here (in a Tenderloin SRO)?

I don’t live there, cuz that’s my crime scene. I don’t go there because people have done terrible things to me. Ever been to Sunnyslope? I don’t know if anyone has a right to question me anymore, but I’m not a slope- I’m somebody’s son and somebody’s grandson. That’s right. That’s right Rachel. I’m somebody’s daughter on fire. My sister’s name is Jill.

Can you tell me more about being on fire?

Know what they do to homeless girls in SF that don’t have fire? That’s withcraft! So believe it, practice it.... And enforce it. Its laws. That man trespassed on my land. He violated the laws of love. And accused me of something. And for that… he’s gonna pay the consequences of the mercy seat. I didn’t do nothin’. I had to crawl out of the hole. He dug a hole and said climb out. Just keep climbin’, you’ll get outta there.

Who accused you of what?

There’s more than one way to prove a marriage. I used to say this about my dad. That he was lucky enough to have a wife to keep his pot. Meaning that despite the fact that we have two legs and two hands, maybe even as strong as some of those pro-wrestlers… deep down inside we’re just a mouse- just a tired mouse- and so the necessary things that we do sometimes cause a considerable amount of pain and sometimes cause our friends and relations to say an equal remainder. But to heal a man- to take care of his aches and pains- and all these other things with the smelly out-houses is potty-ing. To go potty in them. So it doesn’t matter that Ross Perot or I get a free man- or a free ride. But what does matter is that my mom’s sitting on that motorcycle. You can’t see a club member’s patch when their girl is sitting on their bike with them. Not from behind.

Can you tell me what qualities you possess that make it possible for you to live here?

Hunnhhhh!! I’m not a super hero, and I’m not an Allen, and I’m not a racist. I don’t set people up for accidents. I don’t have insurance, cuz insurance, in the world I live in is breaking somebody’s knee-caps because they’re doing something wrong. In the wrong place at the wrong time. They call that um… a stash. Or a bank. Not an Irish bank- a bank. I know a lot of people who think their mattress is full of money and that they’re capable of doing that but ENFORCING the big on somebody that is incapable of pain is like milking a goat for macaroni.

What do you feel needs to be enforced?

I got a name, and that’s something a notary public can’t take away from me. Not even Charles the Wizard. I just ask you, Taylor, to think about how important it is to help people, because I don’t get to go home and see my grandmother anymore. I don’t get to go home and see my grandma… in somebody else’s truck, and that somebody in a sheriff uniform, in somebody else’s truck. A sheriff uniform. A desert shield uniform.

Does that scare you? What are your fears?

I’m an addict. And I’m afraid…Rachel…Fonzi…I’m afraid that you are gonna steal my addict. And I can’t afford to let that happen. I can’t afford my daughter….scorned… because the mercy seat is a very serious thing. To ride around on an angel’s wing.

Do you…

A lot of people collect things like skin, dust, bugs, fish… I collect sniper rifles but I’m no sniper. I was in jail. I’m not a librarian and I don’t have the ability to keep track of people who want to book me. You ever tasted minced meat? Do you know how it’s made? What does it mean to mince something? I don’t really know how. CHOP! SUEY! You can dive in anywhere and bring it back. (faces the wall and glares intently)Sure Max… (motions as if shooing someone away)

I wonder…

The only state in the U.S. that is diamonds. Carbon, solid, clear. Diamonds. If the Waltons were ever to take the field… there isn’t enough baseball bats in the world to force me to play. And my life insurance policy is not my daughter. Anything about Don Quixote on the Spanish trail! He did a lot more things than just be D.Q. He did a lot of right things. He did a lot of good things. And he was blind. My grandmother was blind. My father was too. Do you ever know a blues player named Blind Melon? The school? Do you know what happens if you eat a wild watermelon? You see all those little white hair-like things that look like ice? Well they stick like splinters.

I…

Sorry George, but I didn’t blackball you in the theatre and that new pope- it’s a different thing- it’s a different thing going on you know. I hope y’all have the tools to fix it. Cuz I don’t. My own Planet Lulu, San Francisco. Reathie’s one of the 16, right? One of the states that can refuse the dollar? You know I had my blood problem? I keep all my junk quiet. I’ll go right to the head of the rattlesnake. Yeah, I’m gonna keep that three-wheeler (looks off wistfully)… (whisper) You ever played with a squeegee board? I don’t keep the boys in my ear or in my house and I’m not gonna fly with people who do. I’m not gonna give my kids crack. And I’m not gonna be blinded by chance and play with the sea. The only dead sea salt that I’ve ever seen is the sticky stuff that a ghost leaves behind and has a funny way of grabbing the letters off the board. Like an eyeball with a chess piece.

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Tangentiality- Wandering from the topic and never returning to it or providing the information requested. e.g. in answer to the question, “ Where are you from” a response, “My dog is from England. They have good fish and chips there. Fish breathe through gills.”

Circumstantiality- An inability to answer a question without giving excessive, unnecessary detail. This differs from tangential thinking in that the person does eventually return to the original point.

Derailment (also loose associations and knight’s move thinking)- Ideas slip off the topic’s track on to another which is obliquely related or unrelated. “The next day when I’d be going out you know, I took control, like uh, I put bleach on my hair in California.”

According to the bible the mercy seat (Hebrew: “atonement piece”) was the lid or cover of solid gold of the Ark of the covenant, and was connected to the rituals of the Day of the Atonement

**From wikipedia

The Am I Wearing This to Work Game is back

Would I wear this to work? Mind you, I'm not a cardinal, pope, or diocese. Could I wear this accordion fluff neck thing? I'm trying to be more Leo Sayer in the mime outfit lately and I think this could bring me up a few levels

The AM I WEARING THIS TO WORK GAME

Thanks to my phone, you and I can play The Am I Wearing This To Work Game. Am I? Do you think? Would I really, perhaps, wear this to work? Should I? You decide. It IS autumn... I got this lil gem from my pal Hollis. This used to be his "this doesn't leave the house... snuggie?" IT WANTS TO LEAVE THE HOUSE. SO BAD. Keep in mind, kind jurors, while making your final decision the following facts:
1. There is no snap, clasp, or button to close the front, that's just the way it is and nothins gonna change that
2. I have no 'top' on underneath this thing, I'm leavin that up to fate.
3. I already thought of "are you gonna wear that FACE or HAIR to work with it?" So don't think you're clever.

GIMME THE VERDICT. If Casey Anthony walks free, why not me!

You wanna die? Really? Do you? Imagine your children coming to the cemetery and crying. Crying at your grapestone. You wanna be a california raisin? Do ya?

Cool new development

I'm in the bathroom and from what is probably a window to an air shaft in the middle of the building I hear a person yelling, screaming (but sounding far away, as if trapped somewhere) "I DONT WANNA DIE HERE! SOMEBODY HELP ME!....." I get up close, stick my ear to the window. Mumbles, incoherent screaming, " WHY CANT I GO TO THE TOILET!?" And shit like that. Nice! The window is painted shut. I put my ear up to it again, and don't hear anything. I sit with my ear pasted to the window, then, "WHY ISNT ANYONE HEARING ME? IM TRAPPED! IM GOING TO DIE HERE!" Sounds muffled and like the person is terrified also, or...dying.
I finally bust the window open, there is an air shaft there, and I'm at the bottom. I hear it louder "HELLLLLLPPPPP MEEEEEE BLOOOOOOODDDD MUMBLE MUMBLE AGHHHHHH!" I can't tell if it's coming from above or below, but it sounds so far away and muffled, like this person is in a mainly-sound-proofed room. Oh god, I watch too much x-files, I'm going crazy.
I'm on the first floor with an air shaft and downstairs there's a horrifying room off the trash room with like 8 locks on it in the basement, sounds like it's coming from there. I can still tell the person is hoarse from screaming, it sounds like they've been screaming for days. I go wake up my sister and her boyfriend who are in town. Mark says he heard it yesterday too, sounded like a woman screaming for help. WEIRD HE DIDNT SAY ANYTHING!?! I go back in. I'm too scared to reply. "Hellllooo?" I half whisper, half yell. When I finally get up courage I yell 'Shaft ghost??" into it, I get no answer. It stops completely.
I already called the maintenance guy and left a message asking if someone was being tortured in the basement. "I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy, but they're yelling HELP ME I DONT WANNA DIE HERE!" When he finally calls back, "oh it's just the schizophrenic guy! On the fourth floor. He has outbursts"
Of course it is! No shaft ghost...?
God bless the Tenderloin

Bus nonfiction

Were you ever married?
Do you want to get married?
Sometimes when I smoke crystal meth it's in that hotel.
Are you Mexican?
What's that?
Oh El Salvador, ok.
Do you want to get married to me?
Where are we going?
It's warm on this bus at least.
Do you have an apartment?
Where is it?
Where are we going?
I'm going to need to get some crystal soon.

Jus some sexy bus fiction for ya!

The woman's backpack was swinging dangerously close to the fat kid's face. Everyone on the bus held their breath cuz fat kid wasn't budging. Even though he could scoot back, even though he could move his head easily out of the way of danger. Maybe he couldn't see it. He had some lazy ass eyes. The bag made one final jolted thrust on the turn onto Van Ness. The bag tapped his thick head, and pretty hard.
"Owwwwwwww" he growled. He sounded like Barney from Simpsons when he burps.
"Oh, I'm sorry," the white girl said utterly unapologetically.
"Look what you did! Not again!" He gestured with his fat claw towards his eyes. "This happens, it gets out of whack! NOOOO!"
The girl gasped! "No...," she breathed. "Wait you're lying!"
"Haha yeah, just kiddin, it's ok. They're always like this." Oh did this ever make his fat day!
She forced a laugh/sigh of relief. "I knew those were already loosies in there," she thought. Maybe, just maybe, if she whacked em harder they'd act right. We'll never know.