Getting two birds stoned at once.

Me: "You've been asking for haldol a lot lately. You know what it is for right?"
Guy: "this hurts" (points to you know what) "it's hard. The pee usually comes out soft"
Me: "k, this is not for pain, or pee. It's a psych med. It helps with symptoms of schizophrenia. Do you think you might need it?"
Guy: "well... I took a dose of my cousin cindy, who had a roadkill order..."
Me: (dispense)

ANYWAY...
I was watching tv when this popped up on screen:

Yeahhh... Can't really see it. It says: ATTENTION CATHETER USERS
STOP USING DIRTY CATHETERS.

Maybe I haven't watched tv in too long, or this is a weird Missouri thing...and I might be pretty ignorant on this one but- IS THIS AN ISSUE??
It's no longer necessary to shove an old pee encrusted peice of plastic into your urethra. good news. TGIF!

JUST A HEADS UP. Thought I'd spread the good word.

Snatchin bodees

FYI nickleback SUCKS!
You just...?
No! Ive been sittin stewin about this for days. Welll... That one guy, the leader of the band, uhhh, he, he, he has a cool shirt and he BETTER wear it.
Nooooo, he wears it on stage a lot, I swear. He does. It's like silk and...
Yeah. Trailer.
Shut up!
No, I got a star on my eye, it's itch and drivin me CRARARRRRAAZYZYYYYY! I been up since 3am gone crazy!
A star!
Star!
I don't know it's on your eye... and it...it...
Stye?
Eye?
Stye?
Oh.

Well, you only gotta wear one shoe. Either one will do, i suppose

work quotes

People actually said these things to me recently at work. Employees, not mentally ill people:
"She don't got no chicken pops. If shegot chicken pops...well...then I got chicken pops" (pox, i think, was the intention here.)
"he just did a complete 90 degree, he went skid row..."
"you know- its either feast or feemin round here" (famine)
"Out abound people" (out and about)
"I got scrooged over here already." (i'm assuming screwed cuz she was talking about her car not working)
"She's on drugs. I know. She got the baby neck!"
"they keep tryingto make me a excape goat" (maybe you're an escaped goat!)
"i watched this show where this midget... I mean little person...married a human"
AND THE BEST
"i aint goin out there, it's tetris out there!" (treacherous ahahhahahhahah HA HAHAHHAHA)

GODDESS BUNNYY

 

Ol chatter mouth is at it again! His hands are clenched and his dick is erect. He got full whole big gaps tween each tooth and even tho he's 82, gotta be held back by two men with swords. All em got lil boots spurs and lil curly witch toes and they're tryin to keep chatta face from wreckin it all!

"Come inside my coat", chadda coos to the little kiddies at play.

He isn't even wearing a coat! Maybe that's why he's chatterin!

"Come into the big gaps inside my mouth and between my teeth and I will make a bed for you out of plaque n shit! I git so riled up when I see all the kiddies playing and having FUN!" he calls to no one in partic.

Spurs 1 and 2 are still holding his feeble little bone arms back and trying to pull him over to the bench to empty his pee bag which has been dragging in the dirt and overflowing all day. It even smells like pee! All of it! Everywhere we go!

"That's it!," cries Spur 1 (Larry), "I'm a gonna pop it!"

He sticks his lil sword tip into the bag and with a pop the urine rushes out in a putrid river of old man pee filth. The children scurry up and begin lapping at it like russian sobakas.

Three of them then jump inside his coat, one into a gap between his molar and an old rotten infectd wisdom tooth, long forgotten.

"CHCHCHATTER!"