COOL HAND!

Whaddidi jus claw my way out of the grave? Nope, just the uschj

GREAT!

It's really great when you wake up in a strange house after puking wine into a ziplock bag and try to find evidence of who you slept with. I vaguely remember this hazy blob saying he had to work this morning so I think it's ok to gumshoe around for the facts. For one, the "headboard" of this bed is made of gold cardboard and I'm in a basement with baby spiders crawling allover me. It's really disenchanting the clothes I see hanging from a waterpipe, but maybe these diaries will prove more promising!

Old spice cologne, a bunch of children's instruments, SUNDOWN brand aloe with instructiones only in espanol! UH OH! no way a latino would wear a nylon knit fat texan granny sweater though. A box stuffed FULL of WALGREENS receipts for miller light and mixed nuts. HUNDREDS of receipts! All this but nothing incriminating! No dildos in the underwear drawer, no naked pics or any pics at all to lead me into the light!

Theres what sounds to be a male frolicking around upstairs sounding like he's in a tampon commercial so I think I'll hide down here for a while. Maybe I'll read this BROCHURE

CANADA

I went to Canada! It is a lot like the US as everyone can imagine, but there are a few interesting things that happen there that probably don't in the US:

1. People wear like 5 coats even inside a bar, which was quite warm. (to look more Canadian)

2. They've got one and two dollar coins called loonies and toonies and there's weird red maple leaves everywhere!

3. Even though my friend was kind enough to say I was his girlfriend AND I was dressed like baggy sweatsuit Cindy Lauper, a little tiny-fingers Arab still touched his lips to my friends ear to ask him if I was really his girlfriend or if he was pimpin me.

4. THIS happens at the beer store:


STRANGE BREW!

5. This happens to dogs there:



Also, my friend got mad at me because I was beating him at pool so he told the Arab he could have me for $100, to which the cocktail weenie hand man replied, "How bout 40?" Canadian money BETTER BE WORTH A LOT MORE!

But once I saw this scene I realised Canada is pretty much the same as America:

Presented without comment: mother and child

No, I do have to comment! The dog has glasses, shoes, 2 pacifiers, a mask, khakis, and a coat to match mom's!!! Another time someone saw her carrying that thing in a baby carrier!

Just a still from my fav show

Abandoned Sex Flags

THINGS I LOVE! eeeeeeeeeeeeee

Before this BLOG got erased it was rapidly turning into a THINGS I HATE blog. But now since I have so much love in my soul I'm gonna try and do a coupla posts just here n there WILLY NILLY bout things I love. Of course there are so much more things i HATE so don't get too excited if you are a hippie and love incense, cats, kitties, world peace, etc... Also, I love none of those things. As you can see my sights are set a lil lower. For one I hate the superbowl. Two teams PITTEN against another for glory, throwin the ol pigskin around with the boys. NUH UH!

crrrararrararrazrztzyzyyzyzy sox! I might just make this a MY BF'S SOCKS OF THE DAY BLOG! and I guess now that's it for things i love because it won't let me upload the "running over things with things with wheels" example photo of Stevie rolling over potatoes with a tiny shopping cart. Too bad! Wait! I have another example of the running over stuff thing to prove I do love some things!

 This is us blowing up a bagged bologna sandwich with a bike pump so we could run over it in the car while blasting BOSTON and it would make a really satisfying bologna popping noise! That's trailer park life! Also I used to make everyone play a "game" with me where everyone'd take a paper bag, fill it full of weird stuff like cat poop, mayo, and sriracha sauce, then we'd all run over and over it with our bikes til someone could guess what's in the bag. Ahhhhh, unemployment.